Hello again.

So here I am again, you miss me? No I thought not.

I did though miss writing my blog and it came as a wee bit of a surprise I must admit. Although I think I am jumping the gun a bit here as what I should say right off is that I think of this blog as partly conversational and partly as a means to an end.

Lets take the conversational aspect first, well it seems only fair as it was first on the page as it were. As most folk I know will tell you I love talking. Sometimes in order to hear my own voice admittedly, but mostly to exchange ideas, news, views, and most importantly for entertainment. This then is the kind of conversation that this blog will be, I hope that like most conversations it is a two way conversation and more folk will leave messages like Malcy did. "Cheers mate I will get the check in the post"

The other aspect of conversation that is important for myself and you to realise is that there will be pauses, and silences. I wanted to say that, as I have discovered over the last few days yet another way to beat myself up, and believe me for someone who has a physical disability combined with mental health problems, I was convinced that I had more than enough problems and faults to keep me bringing myself down. But no Lambo has to go and invent another one, this time it is guilt for not blogging.

Can you believe it, I have only been at it for less than a week and suddenly I am on a self enforced guilt trip for not sitting here every day hammering away at my keyboard, jeezo I should get out more! Hang on though this rather neatly takes me to explaining why I was "quiet" for a few days.

If we think of cause and effect we could summon up the simple process of pain. We know an awful lot about the causes of pain for example leaving your fingers in the way of a door, or spilling hot liquid on to yourself, or hitting your head off a wall, as most Scotland football and Rugby supporters end up doing. The cause then would be the meeting of two objects like door and hand, or head and wall that do not belong together. The effect is pain!

Now this simple lesson is roughly what caused a wee break for me, I was busy, I overdid things and then I got pain. The pain brought me down emotionally, I was unable to feel good about myself so I did not have the physical and mental energy to blog. How then this translates in to giving myself another reason to reduce my already low self esteem and feelings of worth, is a miracle only explainable by slicing open my brain and having a good poke around inside. As someone who avoids autopsies on the basis that you need to be dead for it not to hurt, yet another cause and effect equation combined with logic skills there. I am for the moment saying to myself and you the great blog public that sitting here looking at this blog every day is not necessary. Coming back is the important part but that can be once or twice a week, that is the kind of commitment I am ready to make and (hopefully) keep.
I wanted to be a blog writer every day but I realise now that just like other things it is the quality not the quantity, and that the discipline of writing needs to be balanced with real world events.

After those stirring words I find I have run out of space and time to talk about the "means to an end" aspect, I will get round to it but now I have given myself permission I may put it off for a few days.