RESULTS

It's both far too hot today and I am tired from not sleeping that well last night to do anything but wave the keyboard at the page.

But I do want to share something and acknowledge progress that I have made in how I think of myself.

Yesterday I met up with Matt, a long and dear friend of mine, we sat in the sun on a noisy corner in Leith where the Turkish guys have a shop. http://www.cafetruva.com/

In between acknowledging every third person who passed by Matt and I chatted about our different "takes" on the conditions and limitations that effect our daily life. These would be called disabilities by the wider world, but since we are the ones that experience them we call them limitations.

Matt did what he normally does to me, he starts a conversation that I think I imagine I see the end point to, he then switches it and presents me with a whole new range of ideas and only then do I see he was going in that direction all along.

In this instance he paid me a compliment on one of the articles on here, and said that it had helped him think about his own situation. With out too much effort I accepted the compliment and allowed myself to feel like I had done something good.

Last night I was talking to Samantha who again said that she both liked the piece posted yesterday, and that it had been helpful to see herself through someone elses eyes. Again with as much good grace as I could muster I accepted the compliment and acknowledged that I had done something worthwhile.

And that's the change right there, changing your mindset and taking control of your own well being has to include allowing yourself to be praised, and accept praise. Feel that you are valued from others and feel the burn of self congratulations.

Needless to say I have struggled most of my life to acknowledge that I have done anything of value, I still do not accept praise nor do I offer praise to myself as a mater of routine. It goes well beyond being my worst critic, it is part of not having a strong or robust self esteem. Also it is a founding pillar of my mental health problems. Never doing enough or never reaching targets or goals is another sign of how weak and shallow I am, it provides a large and heavy stick to beat myself with. Setting the goals too high though or not acknowledging the barriers to succes is something I never allow myself to facter in.

Thank you to both Matt and Sam for giving me the opportunity to hear positive things about my impact on them, I will try to be less critical of myself but I feel the journey to be comfortable with that part of myself will be long indeed.